Runza night

Thanks to so many of you for all the encouraging texts and for everyone praying for us. I, Michaela, have been overwhelmed by support. God has given me heaping amounts of grace to have extra patience with the kiddos. The other night I realized when I thought about my kids the natural feelings I had towards them were often frustration or annoyance. At best my feelings were neutral. I had been thinking about them as bodies to take care of, as minions getting in the way of my packing, of my traveling smoothly, of my cooking, of my learning language. I couldn't even remember the last time I truly had fond feelings towards them. Maybe 3 weeks ago? This lack of enjoyment of my kids is not something I deal with often. I have plenty of issues, and I deal with not having fond feelings towards people, but my kids are usually not among them. It was nice to have this realization so I could process through it.

I think for the first time as a mom, I struggled with giving my kids unconditional love. Charlie has been crabby (not his usual!), and Moriah is NOT getting this potty-in-the-toilet thing. God gave me a glimpse into my heart and showed me I wanted to withhold my affection from them because they were too much work and were testing the limits of my patience. Six years ago when I was in Thailand, the ministry leader was giving me a pep talk because I was struggling. I was the only fluent English-speaker in my village, and life was hard. He reminded me about John Piper's mantra about enjoying God and enjoying being part of His work, not in trying to do work for God. He encouraged me that being a part of what God is doing in people's life should feel like a huge privilege, not a huge workload. He said I should be able to sit and talk with a girl, a child, anyone, and - because of my love for God and my enjoyment in watching Him work - feel overwhelming love for her and overwhelmingly grateful that God would choose me, ME!, to sit and talk about her life, about her family, about God.

What? Yeah, right! That's crazy-idealistic and romantic thinking. But, wow, as I grew in my worship of God and in my appreciation for the way He makes people new, I felt that love and gratefulness often. This week I thought about his wisdom regarding my kids. For quite some time, I hadn't felt gratitude that God would choose me, ME!, to be their mom and to spend most of each day with them. As I've been throwing up short, desperate prayers for God to sustain me as I am being stretched in so many new ways, He has given me new doses of patience for my kids and renewed feelings of affection for them. He is sustaining me and making me new! Instead of seeing them as a workload, I can - because of my love for God and my enjoyment in watching Him work - see them as a gift. It is so refreshing to be grateful that God would chose me to love Moriah and Charlie,

...It is also so refreshing to have the Schwan man in Jammal. People stop by daily with delicious (?) treats for sale. Some even luxuriously take orders ahead of time and bring the food in time for dinner. Last week we tried some "samosas." They are fried pockets of beef, cabbage, and onions - with curry and hot pepper. We decided these would make a regular appearance in our meal schedule, so tomorrow is Runza night. Now all we need is some Husker football ;)

They were a hit with the kids. Aren't those two precious? :)